Parents Breaking Up

Family separations are one of the worst things people ever have to go through in their lives. As soon as the parents break up, there's the bitterness and anger that surges into it, the kid's minds being f**ked with and the confusion of what they should do.
Some parents are crazy enough to start getting their kids involved, like my parents did. They brang me and my siblings into the whole fight and we are now messed with and as confused as ever. We know nothing will be the way it was, but having to put up with the arguments etc, it's killing us. Its like all the happiness is gone as soon as we're at either houses. Yeah you can have fun with one parent, but in the end the other parent misses out. I feel guilty when that happens and i hate hurting other people.
When i decided to live full time with my dad, i was fine. I was happy and i was having fun. I didnt want to go to my mums because of what she did. It's now been 2 months since i was at her place. Well right now i'm at mums. All last night she screamed at me and i screamed back. I cried and cried so much. I dont know what it was over. All i know is that i didnt want to be there. I had a different point of view on things and she didnt want to listen.
As soon as i argue about what i want or do what i want (about living arrangments etc) I end up hurting someone or more than one person in one way or another. It hurts so much to know that. So if i play by everyone else's rules, i wont end up hurting anyone. But that also means that i'll have to live as an unhappy person just so others can have their happiness.
I'm so confused and unsure of what to do. I dont want to hurt people but i also want to try to be happy.
If anyone has any suggestions, that'd be good

Books and Feelings

Ever been so wound up in a book that you get emotional over it. I'm currently reading Crazy For You by Jennifer Crusie and i'm very into the book. Best book i've read so far. To sum up what's happened so far:

A girl called Quinn finds a stray puppy and decides to keep it. However, her boyfriend does not a approve and thinks of it as a rat. Quinn goes to school (as she's an art teacher) and while she's gone, her boyfriend (Bill) drops the dog off at the pound. Quinn doesn't agree with the idea of pounds and is furious when she finds out what he's done. Bill never listens to her and thinks he can always get what he wants.

Quinn finally decides to break up with Bill and with the help of her best mate Nick, they move her into her mum's house until she can find a place of her own. She finds a house and moves into it. In the meantime, her best friend Darla is having trouble 'getting it on' with her husband, Bill is plotting against Quinn, and her best mate is falling for her.

Just after she's comfortably moved in, Quinn is fianally happy. Bill breaks in while Quinn is gone and steals her spare key to the house to get it cut so he has one for himself. He lets her dog out of the back gate and calls the pound on it. Luckily for Quinn, Nick saves the dog before it got picked up by the pound. Bill goes over a few days later and lets the dog loose again and puts the pound on it, saying that it's bitten a man. Quinn finds out later that night and is furious but the pound wont let her take it out and says it has to be destroyed.

Quinn turns to Nick for help and together they bust the dog out of the pound. When they get back to Quinn's house, her mother admitts that she's a lesbian. Nick also pulls a move on her, kissing her and feelings her up. They are interrupted by Quinn's dad who rang the door bell. Her dad got kicked out of the mum's house.
Soon after Quinn's dad arrives, Nick tells Quinn that he shouldnt have kissed her and that it was because of her hair. He doesnt want to ruin their relationship. But truth is, the both of them both want to be together, but only Quinn admits that.

It's an awesome book. I recommend it to anyone who likes romance, dognapping, stalkers, sabotage and secrets.

The point of all this is that ive been very wound up in it and ive almost thrown the book against the wall in some points. Especially the part where Bill called the pound on the dog. I'm cried in some parts and i've smiled in others. I get very emtional in some books. It's like i'm there. But anyway, it's such a good book. MUST READ!!

The One For Me

Your face imprinted in my mind
I see you all the time
Your smile too cute to miss
Entrances me to kiss, those,
*
Lips of yours
So soft and sweet
I long to taste them,
To know they can't be beat
*
Cause you're the one (the one)
The one for me
When i'm with you

I feel so free

Love at first sight

It's with you i wanna be

Cause you're the one,

The one for me

*

My feelings for you are stong

I think it's with you i belong

Somehow i know it's not wrong

To long for you, and the things you do

*

Cause, you're the one (the one)

The one for me

When i'm with you

I feel so free

Love at first sight

It's with you i wanna be

Cause you're the one

The one for me

Hungry Eyes - Dirty Dancing

I've been meaning to tell you

I've got this feelin that won't subside

I look at you and I fantasize

You're mine tonight

Now I've got you in my sights

*

With these hungry eyes

One look at you and I can't disguise

I've got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

*

I want to hold you so hear me out

I want to show you what love's all about

Darlin tonight

Now I've got you in my sights

*

With these hungry eyes

One look at you and i can't disguise

I've got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

*

Now I've got you in my sights

With these hungry eyes

Now did I take you by surprise

I need you to see

That you were meant for me

*

With these hungry eyes

One look at you and i cant diguise

I've got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I...

*

Thats how i feel about Mark. Ever heard of love at first sight

My Boyfriend

No matter what Symesy and i fight about, nothing has been able to tear us apart. Even when it's full on, we always make up. We sort things out without too much drama and everything turns out alright. So many people want us apart. And yet nothing they've tried so far has worked. If we are that strong and if we feel that strongly for each other, this could last for ages (which i have no problem with) Symesy's always there for me, whenever i need him. Whenever i'm down he's always there to pick me up. I love being around him because he's funny and is really good company. We get along so well. I can say whatever i want to him and he can say whatever he wants to me. We aren't embarrassed to say stupid things anymore. We've become so so close over the last 2 and a half months and it's been awesome. I love spending time with him and talking with him. He's the best boyfriend i've had. He's been so supportive about my problems like; my parents breaking up, family members passing away etc. Even when i cry on his shoulder, he's not embarrassed to say things or not give me a hug. He knows the right things to say to me to make me feel better. I love him so much!!!

Death of a loved one

Have you ever been told that a loved one has only got till morning to live?? And have you been told by a person who isnt even in your family that the loved one has till morning to live?? I have. Just a few minutes ago. My mother didnt hasnt told me, my sister or my dad anything. She's known since this morning that my Pake only has till morning. Did it skip her mind to tell us?? Or did she keep it from us deliberatly? I'm honestly not game to askright now but you just wait till i talk to her again. It'll be abusive and it'll also be the last time i ever speak to her.

My Pake's dying :( He's leaving us and i had to find out by someone who isnt even part of the family. Although i could almost call her step sister. Nothing against her. I'm glad she told me, otherwise i might not have found out until he was actually gone :(

Romeo & Juliet - Shakespeare

Romeo and Juliet. Two destined lovers. Two poorly taken lives. Two deeply in love souls, with two families at war against one another. So why were they destined to die? Fate took their lives and gave their families peace. Is that showing that if two families are at war, their children must die just to bring peace?

Shakespeare was a brilliant writer and people have many diferent views off his works. Some say he's too deep. Some say he's boring. My thought is that he is one of the best poets of all time. He spoke so fondly of love and what its feeling is. Romeo and Juliet for example was a story of true love which brang the children to their deaths. It's a beautiful story that goes deep into some peoples hearts especially mine, which could be the reason why i am so fond of the romantic tale. He spoke so deeply of love and how people show affection. He showed meanings of feelings and actions. For example, when Juliet is unsure to kiss Romeo:

Romeo (to Juliet) - If i profane with my unworthiest hand

This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this;

My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand

To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss

Juliet - Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much

Which mannerly devotion shows in this;

For saints have hands that pilgrims hands do touch,

And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss

Romeo - Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

Juliet - Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer

Romeo - O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;

They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair

Juliet - Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake

Romeo - Then move not, while my prayer's effect i take,

Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged

Juliet - Then have my lips the sin that they have took

Romeo - Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!

Give me my sin again

Romeo shows Juliet that hands are together in prayer and that lips could do the same by coming together. I think this is a sweet way of showing affection. Too bad we arnt all in Shakespearian times.

Romance and True Love

I love romance. I love everything about it. From the romantic poems to the inspiring songs and stories. It's all beautiful.

The poems really capture my heart. Thats why i write so many of them. As you can see in my last post, i like true loves that always go on no matter what bump in the road there may be. I like love that stays forever. Its sad when people pass on, but it captures the true beauty of what a couple had and what they'll always share no matter where they are.

The stories are a big hit for me too. I love romance. In Leprechauns (a must read book) it's similar to Romeo and Juliet but it involves magic and humor. A fairy, princess Jessica, and a leprechaun, Mickey Muldoon, fall in love yet are forbidden to be together. Two humans, Jack and Kathleen, fall in love yet one of them is keeping a deep dark secret. The fairy's and the leprechauns are at war because they think the other race has captured their daughter/son. Little do they know that their children will do ANYTHING for love. As for the humans, Jack screws up big time and Kathleen finds out his secret. The seasons keep changing in the wrong places and Grand Banshee keeps taking the lives of soldiers in the war. It's up to Jessica and Mickey's love to save the world, or end it.

Yeah anyway, good book. So yeah, READ IT!

Umm... back onto the romance part. I really like it so thats my point. It's awesome and i love writing about it. Not many people these days take true love seriously. They see it as just a word rather than a feeling. They dont see its beauty like others do.

Rach xoxox

True Loves Bond

He looked at her and saw true love
She looked at him and saw her last love
He took her hand and gave her a smile
Though he knew that it’d only last a while

He moved forward
And kissed her soft tender lips
This sent a warm vibe
From feet to fingertips

He knew he had to say goodbye
In such a small amount of time
But stealing a few more kisses
Could never be a crime

He led her into the bedroom
Sat her on his bed
Together they lay down
His hands stroking her head

Where there should be hair
She had just a bald patch
But he doesn’t care
She was still a beautiful catch

The feelings he has for her
Are stronger than bricks
And his heart beats true
With no stupid tricks

Although she looks different
Which she tries to hide
He still sees her beauty
And the love that’s inside

So there they lay
On his bed so still
He knew at once
That it was time for the kill

He rolled over, took her hand
And said he’ll never let go
You’ll never leave my heart
Because beautiful I love you so

She looked him in the eyes
Smiled delicately
And said right by your side
Is where I’ll always be

Ill laugh with you through good times
And I’ll share with you the bad
As long as you’re happy
I’ll never be sad

You’re the love of my life
And that you will stay
Although I’ll be gone
I’ll never entirely be away

You’ll be able to feel my presence
Through the day and the night
I’ll make sure that you’ll feel
Everything’s alright

You’ve given me the perfect gift
You’ve shown me true love
You’ve always been by my side
And never given me the shove

So come here and kiss me
I’ll love you forever
Keep in mind
That we’re always together

To him she looked so pale
She seemed so ill
Although she was still breathing
She lay very still

He took her cheek in his hand
Moved his lips towards her
Kissed her tenderly
Until she didn’t stir

He knew she was gone
But still he held her tight
She lay still and cold in his arms
As he cried threw the night

It was the saddest moment
In the teenage boys life
Not one other thing
Had caused him so much strife

It was not meant to be
She shouldn’t have gotten to that stage
Why did she have to go?
At such a young age

But she is still with him
She’s doing her bit
To watch her sweet heart live his life
And give him strength when he needs it

Rach xoxox

Boredness

Being bored is not a good feeling. Having nothing to do just makes you feel useless. It's like a flower that was once blooming, suddenly wilts into nothingness. Yeah i dunno about that. That was a pretty poor example but that the thing about bordem. You cant think straight about anything. Or maybe thats just me. But anyway, boredness is not good. FIND SOMETHING TO DO ALL PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT SUFFER FROM BOREDNESS!!!

Memories

Don't memories piss you off sometimes? Some memories are good and yet some are really really bad. I don't like the bad ones coming back up. They hurt like a dagger being stabbed into your heart. They hurt like hell. When you've been heart broken and the pain has sunk deep, it's really hard to get over that person.

I've learnt to try and ignore all those feelings. It worked for a while, until i actually saw the person. Then all those bad memories came right back into mind again and stabbed like a knife. They are not the best things to experience.

You can't ever forget your first they say. Well I'm going to work so hard to try and make myself forget. It'll be best for everyone and especially for myself and my boyfriend. I understand it's going to be a rough road because I've already been part way down it. But if i can over come this pain and forget about the one that hurt me, then i think I'll be so happy with myself and it'll be a great achievement.

So I'm gonna try my hardest and i know that my friends will be there every step of the way for me. And especially my boyfriend. I don't know what I'd do without any of them. They are the ones i rely on to catch me when i fall down. And i know that they'll always be there for me :) They are the best.

Rach xoxox

Porn

Yes my friends will all say im the girl that always talks about sex and sex related things. But i figured ill cover something while i can remember it. It sorta bugs me a bit and yes elly. I know exactly what you'll say: 'sex, sex, sex, symesy, sex, symesy, symesy, sex, sex.' Anyway.

Porn on peoples phones really bugs me. Fair enough if guys want a couple of videos. But i think some guys take it a little bit too far with it all. 20 videos is a bit on the obsessed side of things. If guys have girlfriends, wouldnt you think that they can just be happy with their misses and not have so much porn and shit on their phones. That really annoys me that people will have porn on their phones and yet still have girlfriends. And then they wonder why their misses has a problem with it all. Most girls will know what im getting at.

Anyway my point is that guys shouldnt have so much pron on their phones and they shouldnt get annoyed when their girlfriends complain about the porn.

Home

Have you ever taken into consideration, the smell of your house? I noticed it a few minutes ago, hence why i'm writing this. Ever noticed how when you go on holidays and spend a couple of nights at a resort and the smell's different. It feels strange to stay at a resort for a few weeks because the smell of home has gone. It's the same as going to a friends house and you smell a completely different smell. It's almost as if you miss home just a tiny little bit. Have you ever wondered how the smell came and stays?? These questions may never be answered but always wondered upon when thought about.